This is my first story ever! It was posted in the Here With You zine that was written for the beautiful KAM.
The Ramblings Of A Very Love Sick Sinner
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I misspelled Etiquette in the last question, sorry!
[Poll #1740352]

A Definition of Happy
By
Nancy's_Soul
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This Christmas story was inspired by a present that I bought to put in my husbands stocking.
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Hurry on over and read youtooblondies post about poetry and Starsky and Hutch. Those two make beautiful poetry together. We need lots of participation to make this F-U-N!

Hi

Time keeps on ticking ticking ticking into the future...
Well in four days my daughter will be on a plane to Paris where she will dwell with strangers for a year. One whole year until I see her in the flesh again.

My house is filthy, truly filthy. I am sending thr hoodlum boys to mow instead of me because I have to clean this house, so that they will have a clean house to mess up.

I got a haircut and it is cute, I like it. It is not short and a little bit straighter than I usually wear it. I like it.

I wrote this long SH story and my editor told me that I had all the characters voices right except that I wrote a wimpy Hutch. Ouch, that smarts! I don't want my Hutch to be wimpy. I will rewrite it until I have the strongest most beautiful Hutch ever. Man that bums me out.

My mom is having a little problem with her heart. She has been on beta blockers for a year because her heart beats too fast. She went on a cruise and was gone for two weeks and when she got back her heart started messing up again. They put her on a stronger med and now she has the shakes. Do you think it is because the dose is too high or that it will just take her awhile to get used to the new meds and strength?

Signed Hoodlum son up for the GED program that I was so excited about in my earlier post, they accepted him. Then they called yesterday to tell me that he can't get into the classes because he is only 16 and he would need a court order to be allowed in. Well thank you very much for busting my bubble.

So what's in your wallet?

Kiss you all over by Nancys_soul (rated L for Love and S for Showing that love)
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EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'.. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications..
' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered .. .. . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . ..

8... As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....