This story was written after the Virtual ShareCon panel on how to write a sex scene. We had a long discussion on whether to use a Thesaurus or not. I start wondering what would happen if Starsky got a hold of one.
Pairing: Starsky and Hutch
A Thesaurus is not a Dinosaur
On Monday morning, Detective Sergeant Dave Starsky sat at his desk in the Metro division of the BCPD looking in his basket to see what needed to be done to start his day. He’d had a fantastic weekend with his partner, Detective Sergeant Ken Hutchinson, or Hutch as he was better known to those around him. They had gone to see Stars Wars at the movies, eaten steaks at the Cattle Barons and gone to the beach on Saturday. After making love all night long, he and Hutch slept late on Sunday, and had brunch in bed. The perfect weekend with the perfect man, and now it was the perfect start to a new week.
That was, until Hutch walked in. He was carrying a brown bag, a book and a stack of files.
“Good morning, Starsk,” Hutch said, dropping the brown bag and the book in front of Starsky. He sat down at his desk with the files in front of him.
Starsky immediately went for the bag and took out a jelly donut from Winchell's topped with sprinkles. Looking in the sack, Starsky saw five more donuts, all different kinds and colors. He took a big bite and smiled, licking jelly off his bottom lip.
“Thanks, Hutch, these are great. You want one?” Starsky asked.
“No, they’re all for you, partner,” Hutch said, looking through the files in front of him.
It wasn’t long before Starsky noticed the book. The last time Hutch gave him a book at work, it was all about curing left-handedness, so the new book made Starsky rather leery.
He read the title. "Roget's Thesaurus."
“Cool, Hutch a dinosaur book. You know I love dinosaurs,” Starsky said, eagerly picking up the book to flip through the pages.
“Starsky, a thesaurus is not a dinosaur,” Hutch said chuckling.
“It sure isn’t,” Starsky said, dejected. “It’s just a book with words. There aren’t even any pictures or a story, just words. What is this Hutch? What are you getting at, giving me a book of nothin' but words?”
“Starsky, a thesaurus is a dictionary with synonyms, words that have similar meanings." Hutch said, launching into his professor mode. "It’s to help you expand your vocabulary.”
“So are you telling me that I need to expand my vocabulary? You don’t like the way I speak?" Starsky demanded indignantly. "Hutch, didn’t you learn anything from the last time you tried to help by giving me that left-handed book? And I ended up showing you that left-handed people are smart and creative, and we think outside of the box? I thought you would have learned your lesson by now, Hutch. You can’t improve on perfection.” Starsky felt kind of hurt.
“Starsky, that’s not why I gave you the book. I think you’re amazing, I love every thing about you,” Hutch said, lowering his voice so no one would hear. “Let's talk about it at lunch. We need to track down that rat Marco, and see if he can tell us where his uncle is," Hutch said as he closed the file and wrote down two possible addresses for Marco. "Anyway, this is something we need to discuss in private.”
Starsky stood and put his jacket on. Turning to look at Hutch, he grabbed the book off the table. “Hutch, I have a feeling I’m not going to like what you're gonna tell me.”
“Starsky, don’t worry. It really isn’t a big deal, just something that I think will benefit us both,” Hutch said as he headed out the door, with Starsky close behind.
After striking out at both addresses, and talking to all their snitches on the side of town where Marcus hung out, they were both tired and ready for lunch.
“Should we pick up something and eat it at your place, Hutch? So we can have our talk in private?" Starsky asked, starting to worry if he’d even have an appetite once Hutch shared what was on his mind.
“Sure. Let’s stop by and pick up some of Tony’s smothered burritos on our way,” Hutch said.
“Dammit, Hutch, now you’re really scaring me,” Starsky said as he turned the car in the direction of Tony’s. “First jelly donuts, and now you’re suggesting burritos. I can tell this is going to be bad.”
“Not bad, babe. Good, you’ll see.” Hutch put his hand on Starsky’s thigh and gave him a squeeze. He left his hand there until they got to Tony’s.
When they arrived at Venice Place Hutch put the food on the coffee table while Starsky went to the bathroom and cleaned up. On his way out of the bathroom, Hutch grabbed him. He pulled Starsky tight and kissed him until they were both out of breath.
Starsky moved back and looked at Hutch with want in his eyes, “Hutch, how 'bout I make like a burrito and smother you on that bed? And stick it where the sun don’t shine?”
Hutch let go of him and started laughing. "Starsky, you sure have a way with words, and that’s why I bought you the thesaurus.”
Starsky grinned even wider.
“Let’s go sit down and eat while we talk,” Hutch said. He took Starsky’s hand and led him to the couch.
Starsky plopped down, looking at Hutch with confusion,“So, if you think I have a way with words, why did you give me a book on words?”
Hutch looked down at Starsky, “It’s not what you express, because there’s nothing I would rather do then be covered by you and have you as deep inside of as I can get you." He turned Starsky’s hand over and kissed his palm. "I love you. You make me fly, Starsky, but sometimes a guy needs to hear smoother, more loving words. I want to be made love to with your words. I can’t help that I’m a romantic,” he said.
Starsky sat quietly looking at Hutch as if he were wondering if he was being cut down in the most sensual way by a blond devil.
“Starsky," Hutch began, "the other night, you stripped off my clothes, pushed me down on the bed and said, and I quote,'Hey, blintz, I’m going to squeeze the white cream right out of you and make you scream." Hutch grinned at the memory. “Now, Starsky, you are a man of his word, and you did just what you said you’d do. I loved every minute of it, but the way you said it was crass." Hutch tapped the thesaurus. "If you don’t know what that means, look it up in your thesaurus.”
“I thought that was sweet, pardon the pun,” Starsky said, snickering.
“The line that I hear more than any other," Hutch shook his head ruefully."Is, 'get down on your hands and knees and spread 'em, I’m going in for a cavity search.' That’s really romantic!” he said sarcastically.
“That’s my favorite thing to do, Hutch, you are cutting down all my good lines. I’m just gonna stop talking,” Starsky turned his back on Hutch and hugged himself tightly.
Hutch moved in close and put his long arms around him. “No, I love your voice. I love the things you say, I’m just asking you to maybe expand your vocabulary a little and learn some different words that mean the same thing, but are more romantic, that’s all." Hutch kissed him gently on the ear. "That would make me even hornier, sweetheart.”
Starsky turned slowly into Hutch’s embrace and stared into his blue eyes. Hutch wasn’t making fun of him or cutting him down.
“Blint…I mean, darling, I will give it a try, you big softy you!” Starsky leaned in and kissed Hutch on the lips. He moved to Hutch's cheek, his jaw and his neck. Starsky stopped his journey to say one more thing before Hutch became the smothered burrito that he never got to eat for lunch. “Hutch, every once in a while, can I tell you to open wide and make room for my big gun? You know how I love gun metifives.”
“Sure babe, but it's 'metaphors'," Hutch said as he turned his neck so that Starsky could get at him more easily.
“Whatever.” Starsky latched on to that long, smooth neck.
They rest of the week was really busy. There was a shooting during a Quinceañera that involved the young girl's boyfriend and her brother. That took days to sort out because everyone involved was related, and no one wanted to snitch on his or her cousin or uncle. Hutch began to think that the whole week was a crazy mess.
Starsky was good to his word. Every time Hutch looked up from typing a report or on a break, he’d find Starsky with his nose in the thesaurus. Starsky was even taking notes. Hutch was never more proud or in love with Starsky than right then.
On Thursday, they finally had two days off. Starsky and Hutch were exhausted and hungry, so they decided to go to the Pits for dinner. Starsky drove straight there without saying a word.
“Starsky, is everything all right?” Hutch asked after they were seated and had ordered their meal. "You’re quieter than usual.”
“Just thinking, beautiful, that’s all.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
“Well, sweetheart..." Starsky fiddled with his napkin, twisting it into a knot. "I’m nervous because tonight I plan on using some fancy romantic words to woo my lover." He grinned shyly. "I just hope it’s what he needs, and that it causes his glands to expand.”
Hutch tried not to laugh. Starsky was trying so hard, which, in itself, was more romantic than any words.
“Starsky, my glands are already perking up just from hearing you call me beautiful,” Hutch said. He grabbed Starsky’s hand under the table.
Starsky had a great big smile on his face, obviously glad that he could use words to make Hutch happy.
Huggy wasn’t at the Pits that night. He had a cousin who was in trouble and needed some help, so Starsky and Hutch didn’t stick around after dinner to play any pool as they usually did.
Hutch was excited to leave because they would be spending the night at Starsky’s.
"I have a surprise for you, Hutch," Starsky said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
When they arrived at Starsky’s, Hutch felt like he was on a first date. He started to open the car door, but Starsky grabbed his arm.
"Not yet! Sit still." Starsky hurried around the car to open the door for Hutch. “Shall we proceed to my humble abode, my azure orbed lover?”
Smiling, Hutch chuckled. “Sure.”
Wondering if giving Starsky a book of words might have been the wrong thing to do, Hutch had to refrain from laughing and ruining all of Starsky’s hard work. However, the guy was starting to crack him up.
Starsky unlocked the front door. Barely inside, Hutch decided that if he could just keep Starsky’s mouth busy, he wouldn’t have to talk so much. With that in mind, he grabbed Starsky, shoved him up against the door and kissed him intensely. Hutch’s law, kiss a lot, talk a little!
For a while, it worked. They both got so caught up in the kissing, touching and exploring that Starsky almost veered from his plans for Hutch.
With great effort, Starsky said, “Wait, stop! Hutch, I have plans for you, and this in not the way it’s supposed to go down." He paused, panting. His lips tingled from kissing and his shirt was hanging off, only partially tucked into his jeans. "I am going to romance you with words. Tonight is about making love to you, my partner, with the honey that drips off my tongue.”
“Starsky,” Hutch said out of breath, “That was what I was trying to do, suck the sweetness off of your tongue, you goof ball.”
“You stop that, my yummy muse, and let me set the stage for your seduction." Starsky pulled his shirt back onto one shoulder. "Why don’t you open the bottle of wine chilling in the refrigerator, and pour us a glass while I take care of a few details.”
While Hutch was pouring the wine, Starsky lit all the candles that he had set around the bed. There were candles everywhere.
"I just hope the house doesn't catch on fire with all of these candles," he said to himself. He turned down the clean sheets that he had put on the bed that morning. Starsky turned on the shower so it would be all warm for his pregame shower with Hutch.
“Kenneth, come here my love,” Starsky called from the bathroom.
"Starsk if you call me Kenneth again, you’ll be making love to yourself!" Hutch yelled, walked into the humid bathroom.
“Sorry, Hutch, I just got carried away, I guess.” Starsky set out the new fluffy towels.
“That’s understandable, babe. I love that you’re trying so hard,” he said, running his fingers through the hair that covered Starsky’s furry chest.
“I just wanna make you happy.” Starsky started to undress Hutch.
“But you already do, you already do!”
Starsky climbed into the shower and ushered Hutch in, splashing water on him immediately. Hutch tossed a wash rag at Starsky and they took turns washing each other. Lathering soap on Hutch's shoulders, Starsky kissed him, luxuriating in the sensation of kissing and rubbing him at the same time. Hutch responded eagerly, running the wash rag all over Starsky's long back.
But the main course was to take place in Starsky’s bed with the mirror on the ceiling.
“Hutch, we'd better get out and dry off before all those candles I lit melt down.” Starsky murmured.
Hutch turned off the water and watched Starsky exit the shower while admiring Starsky’s best asset, his ass. He loved to watch the water dripping off the curve of Starsky's butt, and wanted nothing more than to lick it off. But alas, this was Starsky’s show, so he’d let Starsky take the lead.
Starsky did take the lead. He led Hutch right to the bed. "Hutch, tonight is your night. I plan not only showing you how much I love you, but telling you with romantic words." Starsky said as he patted the mattress "Now lie back, and let me woo you.”
Hutch quickly scooted up to the head of the bed and stretched out his long body. “Starsky… ” Hutch started to say, but Starsky put his finger against his lips.
"Don’t say a word, lover mine, let me use my new found vocabulary." Starsky ran a sensual hand up Hutch's abdomen, tickling his bellybutton."Just listen and feel."
Hutch shivered from anticipation and because it was a little chilly just lying there waiting on Starsky to get a move on. If Starsky wanted him silent, silent he would be.
Starsky lay down beside Hutch and pulled his partner toward him. He draped his leg over Hutch’s and hugged him tight. “Sweetheart, today all I could think about was fornicating with you. You make me so hot when I sit beside you at Metro.”
Starsky started kissing him. They were starting where they’d left off in the living room, kissing and exploring each other. Starsky left nary an inch of Hutch’s body untouched.
Hutch was trying hard not to talk, but he wanted to tell Starsky how good it felt. How much he loved him. Instead, all he could do was moan and whimper with want and need.
When Starsky finally grabbed Hutch’s cock, Hutch gave a deep sigh of relief.
Starsky inched down until he was right next to his partner's cock and looked up at Hutch."Babe, keep those blue headlights open and watch as I take your grand phallus in my wet orifice and feast upon it.”
Hutch couldn’t even laugh at what Starsky said because that wet orifice and that silky tongue were doing wonderful things to him “Yes, eat me alive, eat me alive,” Hutch shouted. He was in Starsky heaven.
"Open those peepers, love," Starsky said as he took his mouth off Hutch.
Hutch opened his eyes. He tried to push Starsky’s head back down, but before he could, Starsky flipped Hutch over on his stomach and started to knead his ass.
“God, Hutch, I love your buttocks. They are so firm and full," Starsky said, nipping at Hutch's butt cheeks which made Hutch groan. "They are just padded enough to make a nice pillow to lean on while I take a wild ride down that warm tunnel of love."
"Please, take that ride. Now, Starsk, now," Hutch begged.
Starsky grabbed the lube and squeezed some on his fingers. "I am going to grease the ring, and then slide my shlong in, and penetrate you over and over until you crest."
Hutch cried, "Shut up and just do!”
Starsky shut up with a wicked grin. He shoved fast and hard, silently cheering when Hutch's eyes rolled up and he gulped spasmodically as his orgasm hit.
"That was amazing!" Hutch wheezed.
Starsky lay back, panting, listening to Hutch breathing like a race horse after a hard run.
Hutch finally found enough strength to put his arms around his lover. “Starsky, you’re crazy and weird, but I love you more than life itself. Thank you for trying so hard to please me with words.”
“Hutch, how long do I have to do this word thing? It was so hard. Do I have to study up all the time before we copulate?”
Hutch chuckled. “Starsky, I’ve been thinking. You don’t need any book of words, just be yourself. That’s good enough for me." He spread his fingers across Starsky's bare chest. "Just call me beautiful every once in a while, and call my dick huge, and that’s all I’ll ever need as long as you keep loving me like you do.”
They kissed and both fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
A week later, Starsky sat at the desk in the squad room typing up the last of the reports for the day. Hutch came in from the hall carrying a brown bag and a book.
Starsky looked up at him with dread. "Not again, Hutch. I thought you said I didn’t have to study up any more?”
“Relax,” Hutch said, dropping the bag and the book in front of Starsky.
Starsky grinned with excitement when he read the title. "The Tyrannosaurus" was written in big letters. He opened up the front cover, examining the pictures of the dinosaur. "Cool! There's all sorts of information about this amazing beast!" Flipping to another page, Starsky scanned the text. "Wow, Hutch, this is great, but what’s in the bag?”
“Open it, dummy,” Hutch said affectionately.
Starsky peeked inside and found a bunch of little plastic dinosaurs.
Hutch leaned over and whispered in Starsky’s ear, “Tonight, we can play with them in the tub together. And later, you can tell me to spread’em, and stick your big gun where the sun don’t shine.”